Sunday, July 19, 2009

How family conflicts are born?

How family conflicts are born? Just all like would be good, but one careless word or the offer is capable, it appears to destroy such fragile world in relations. Whether probably to find the mechanism which will allow to understand a phenomenon essence?
As practice shows, conflicts often arise, apparently, for no reason, because that actual and домысленная the information in messages which are sent each other by partners or spouses, is interchanged the position. That it was more clear, I will explain on an example.
The husband comes home and at once, without talking almost, starts computer стрелялку is an actual information.

The wife who perceives this actual information, considers it, finds the reasons of such behaviour: it seems to it that to the husband with it it is uninteresting, he does not appreciate dialogue with it, does not respect her, and even at all does not love and so forth are the thoughts of the wife which have been thought up by it of an estimation and the assumption.
But when the wife starts to speak, its thoughts in одежке the facts sound: You at all do not love me!!! To you your computer is more expensive than a family!!! (I now exaggerate a little, but, you see, it is not enough).

The husband who had an unlucky day which has ended with unpleasant conversation with partners, has solved before to communicate with family, to exhaust, having killed pair of monsters. The husband thinks that thus, it shows the care of a family, therefore at first is perplexed, hearing words of the wife but as they (words) insulting, reacts, protecting itself, any roughness in the answer: to You your phone is more expensive than a family, but I do not remind of it every day!!!

The woman has thought up a situation, it would like, that the husband опровергнул its statement, has dissuaded, but husband already offended by its words (about, horror!) does not deny that to it the computer is more expensive than a family.
As a result, all are offended, there is no desire to understand that has occurred in the beginning: the wife any more does not wish to hear about an unlucky day, the husband too is not interested to find out, why the wife so needed its attention...

All new and new charges sound - the conflict grows, in extreme cases words about divorce can start to sound... Already nobody remembers, with what all, actually, has begun. Only the fact and thought have exchanged in places. When dialogue is under construction thus day by day, divorce, probably, not far off.

Exit from a current situation in accurately to separate occurring events, their ascertaining of that comes true in our head, that is домысливается. When we speak about the thoughts, underlining their subjectivity (I think, in my opinion, to me it seems and so forth), they do not sound is insulting, we after all thus speak about the subjective perception of a situation, instead of we describe the validity and we do not accuse the partner.

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